Passive Me, Aggressive You
by second-sucks
Summary: Takes place one month after the 2013 Reboot. Lara is suffering not just physically from Yamatai, but emotionally. Upon returning home, she is becoming a danger to herself and everyone around her. Can Sam help her before she loses it completely? Rated M for later chapters. R&R.
1. In Memorian

**A/N: I have a new Tomb Raider story. I really wanted to finish my "Stay Close" story, but I feel like that story wasn't really going anywhere. I had no plans for it, no ideas for it, whatsoever. So this is a brand new story! **

**SUMMARY: Lara is suffering not just physically from Yamatai, but emotionally. Upon returning home, she is becoming a danger to herself and everyone around her. Can Sam help her before she loses it completely?**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Tomb Raider, or any of the Characters.**

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**CHAPTER ONE**** –**_** In Memorian**_

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It had been one month since Yamatai.

We had all tried to move on with our lives without reliving that experience, we lost a lot of people in those few days. Grim, Alex, Roth, Steph, Liam, Victor and all the others. Grim, I remember hearing all of his stories. If there is one thing you should never ask an old man like Grim, it would be asking him to tell you stories. Most of them were all old Scottish and Irish Folklores dating back to the 19th century. And yes, the Loch Ness monster happened to be one of them. I remember Lara, Steph and I would just sit up half the night listening to him that is, whenever we got Lara away from her books. Steph was a wonderful girl. She, Lara and I spent pretty much all of our time together on the Endurance. I still remember the way she laughed whenever I made a crack at Lara being a bookworm, or Lara being well, anything really. We both thought it would have done her some good getting out of that cramped study space, and actually "listening" to some stories instead of reading them. I wonder whatever happened to Steph whether she's alive or not, if she's alive, god help her. I never brought myself to ever ask Lara if she ran into her at all. Honestly, I don't think I want to know.

But anyways, back to Grim, he loved the sea, he told us of his childhood growing up in Glasgow, often building boats out of junk and scrap and how he taught himself to sail on the Clyde River. His favorite stories to tell mostly involved the sea. The Port Henderson Mermaid was one of them that I remembered, about a boy who went one day to a rocky part of the shore to gather bait when he suddenly spied a mermaid asleep among the rocks. He tried to capture the mermaid, but she promised him if he let her go, she'd grant him one wish. His wish was that no one was to ever be drowned by any boat he ever built, as he let her go, she promised that it would be so, and her promise was kept as the boys boats defied the stormy winds and waves. I enjoyed the stories Grim told, all three of us did. And even though she hadn't really said anything, I think Lara appreciated them most.

There was one particular story, about a Castle that was a stronghold of power in the land that was bartered between English and Scottish hands during the border wars. Hermitage Castle, I think it was called. I remember looking at Lara during Grim's story telling, she sat next to me, hugging her knees to her chest. She had this warm smile on her face that could seriously melt the Polar Ice Caps if it wanted to. I had always commented on how pretty I thought Lara's hazel eyes were, but the way I had seen them this time had been so different than how I'd ever seen them before. They gleamed, sparkled or something, I'm not quite sure how to explain it. They were filled with wonder. That I know. I remember when she caught a glimpse of me with those eyes. Looking at me, she seemed to smile even more if that's even possible. I think that was the happiest I had ever seen Lara in a long time. She became an archaeologist to uncover the untold stories of the world. And it's a shame that because of Yamatai, Grim won't have any more stories to tell, untold or not. I missed listening to those stories. I missed Steph, Victor and Liam, those two guys were always so funny, and I'll never know what happened to them either. And I do not have the heart to ask Lara. She saw Grim die, she couldn't get Alex out of whatever was pinning him down in the ship, and he died trying to be the Hero. I remember how much he'd talk about Lara whenever she wasn't around. Everyone knew he liked her, everyone except Lara that is. She has always been so oblivious to things like that, even in College or as she calls it "University". But still, I'd miss Alex too. I remember that time when he taught me (using that term loosely) how to pirate editing software so I didn't have to waste my "precious clothes money." on it. He, Lara and Steph always poked fun at me for being a shopaholic. I had more than enough money to buy whatever I wanted, and I always wondered why Lara never felt the need to touch my family's money. All of my other friends did. I recall Lara making the remark that those "friends" weren't friends, and that she wasn't the kind of person to use someone for their money. I suppose Lara had money, her family was loaded like mine.

Lara never really talked about her parents, and I had always wondered why. Roth soon reminded me that losing both parents would be hard on any child, and that I couldn't be angry if Lara didn't want to talk about it. I don't think I could ever be angry with Lara. She always kept to herself; she had this innocence about her that made me wish I was a kid again. That's one of the many things I loved about her. Lara never got angry with anyone. Yamatai was a major exception. After Roth's death, I saw this fire in her eyes. This anger, this hurt that I've only ever seen twice. After Roth's death and, also the time Lara got the legit confirmation that both of her parents were dead.

Her parents had disappeared when she was roughly around 9 or 10 years old. Her father was nothing short of an archaeological legend from what I've heard. Her parents were on their way to a dig, in Nepal, when their plane had crashed in the Himalayas. Rescue teams searched everywhere around the crash site, and they were nowhere to be found. Lara had told me that her fathers will had placed her in Roth's care. I remember when she got that call. It was two years ago, we were both in our dorm room; Lara had her head buried in a book, as per usual. I was mumbling something about the white balance on my camera when Lara's phone rang. Roth was on the other end. She answered and her face went from that sweet and innocent Lara Croft way to emotionless. I'll never forget the way her mouth dropped open when Roth had told her the news that they had found Richard and Amelia's remains in South West China. She hauntingly took her right hand and covered her mouth. I could hear Roth on the other end saying how sorry he had been. Lara stood silent for a few minutes, Roth still on the other end, asking her if she was alright. She dully said that she'd be fine, and said her goodbye to Roth. She turned to face me, and fell to her knees. Nine whole years Lara held her breath, and that had been the first time I had ever seen Lara Croft cry, her eyes still having that same hurt that I saw after Roth's death.

Conrad Roth was the only family Lara had ever really known. He was practically her father for the past eleven years. He taught her everything that Lara knew to help us get out of Yamatai. If it weren't for Roth, Lara and I would be as good as dead along with everyone else. It wasn't right to just leave him on Yamatai. As soon as we got back home, it was only fair to everyone's families that we let them know of the Endurance's fate. Let the families cope, make service arrangements, since some of the bodies couldn't be found, or identified for that matter, but it's their memories that mattered. Alex, Steph and Grim's services were only the beginning. The hard one was Roth's. His body was burned on a funeral pyre back on Yamatai, but Lara insisted that we do a service back home. Roth was her family; he was the father of Reye's daughter, Alisha, who never really knew who her father was, until now. Reyes was hurting too. I couldn't imagine losing my partner of over 14 years to something so horrific. I know Reyes still resents Lara for it. Jonah had reminded her that if that Hatchet hit Lara, we all wouldn't have lived to make it home. I would have been some sort of Zombie queen in a toga. And I think Toga's are so ugly.

Since Roth was cremated back on Yamatai, a headstone was put up in his memory. Roth knew many people, considering he was in the military, and he traveled all over the world. People from all over the place showed up to pay their respects. It was hard on everyone, especially Lara and Reyes. During the speeches I turned my head to look at Lara, my best friend, my savior. It had been one month since Yamatai. Her face was still beautiful, despite the small faint scars that remained from the multiple cuts, and scratches she endured. Her hazel eyes were sunken; she hadn't been sleeping well since we got back home. Neither of us wanted to be separated, so I stayed with her in London. We even shared the same bed, as crazy as that sounds. I didn't mind it. Night after night I'd awaken to screams, and cries, the result of nightmares from the events that happened. I even recall finding a knife under her pillow, and a gun in the nightstand drawer.

"_The poor thing" _I thought. I was the one to comfort her, night after night. She stared blankly at the headstone, emotionless. I had to be there for her, whether she wanted me to or not. I glanced away, and without giving it a second thought, slowly took my right hand, and grabbed her left, interlocking our fingers. Lara slowly turned her head and looked down at our hands. Our eyes carefully met as she gave this look. Hurt was evident in her tired eyes. I just knew she had been holding back tears. I felt her grip tighten on my hand as she went back to blankly staring at Roths headstone.

After everyone had started to clear out, I told Lara that I would be right back. I wanted to talk to Reyes and Jonah, I wanted to say my goodbyes to them before we all went our separate ways. Reyes was just as hurt as Lara was, but unlike Lara, Reyes had actually been crying. She had a teenage girl with her; she was the spitting image of Joslin, apart from her eyes. _"Alisha"_ I reminded myself.

"Alisha baby, this is Samantha. She knew your father." Reyes sniffled as she introduced us. Alisha was very well mannered for a fourteen year old. She smiled faintly and shook my hand.

"I'm sorry we had to meet each other this way, Alisha" I spoke as I shook her hand. "Your father was a great man."

Alisha didn't have very much to say. She said it was nice to meet me, and with that Reyes sent her off to talk to relatives. Jonah and Reyes both immediately commented about Lara.

"Everyone around her seems to die…Conrad was the only father she really knew." Reyes stated as Jonah politely nudged my shoulder.

"How is the Little Bird?" he asked. I couldn't bring myself to answer his question. I didn't even know myself. Lara had always kept to herself, so this really wasn't any different than any other time. But still, I owed my life to her. Lara Croft gave me my life back. I rubbed the back of my head in confusion.

"I really don't know Jonah; she's always kept to herself about things." I answered him. I really had no idea what kinds of things Lara saw on the Island. But I know they had to be pretty bad for her to have nightmares every night. Jonah looked worried.

"Something's not right Sammy…"Jonah breathed. Jonah was always a very spiritual man. I felt my heart pound as those words escaped his mouth. Jonah was all about good and bad energies, Auras and all that stuff. If Jonah didn't think something was right. It was worth checking on. I turned to look at Lara, still standing at Roth's stone. I worried about Lara, probably more than I should. I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I turned to face Jonah.

"I'll look out for her." I assured him before I said my goodbyes to the two. Jonah and Reyes both told me if there was anything I couldn't handle, I should immediately call them. I agreed as I made my way through the black clad crowd to reach Lara, still standing there, frozen.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" I asked as soon as I made my way to her. Lara stood with a small bag in the palm of her right hand. She stood there just staring at it.

"These are all that's left of him." She murmured, still gawking at the small bag. I stepped closer to wrap my arm around her, noticing that the bag was filled with ashes.

"I filled my pockets…one half of the ashes, I spread out at sea…It's what he would have wanted." She paused, slowly looking over her shoulder at me. "This half stays here."'

I stood there silently, afraid that any of my words would cause her to lash out. After hearing Jonah, I did not want to take my chances. It had been awhile before Lara slowly walked toward the headstone, gently placing the bag next to it. She placed her hand at the top of the stone; it lingered there for a few moments as she turned to me.

"I can't believe he's gone Sam." And with that I walked toward her, and pulled her into an embrace. I tried not to be too rough with her, for it had only been a month. She hadn't fully healed from her injuries yet. I felt her bury her head in my shoulder and wrap her arms around me as I breathed in the smell of Lara's perfume. She'd always smelled like melons with watery florals mixed in, even on Yamatai, when she was covered in blood and dirt. I hugged her every chance I got, fearing that It would be the last time I got to smell that scent ever again. It was _Lara,_ if she was gone, I would spend almost every waking moment trying to find things to match that scent. For it being one of those little things I'd miss so much if she had died. That's…totally creepy right?

"I'm here sweetie." I told her. After everything that she had done for me, I felt like it was my job to make sure Lara was safe. That she was okay. Yamatai had traumatized her, which much I know. And I'd to anything in my power to make sure she recovers emotionally as well as physically from this. She saved me. Now it's my turn to save her.

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**A/N: This was probably the longest chapter for anything that I have ever written. I've been watching a lot of Supernatural, and there's this point in the second season where Dean isn't handling John's death very well. He's lashing out, tail spinning. I thought it would be pretty creative to give it a Tomb Raider twist. Lara's going to be kind of out of control in later chapters. Due to Yamatai, and the guilt of Grim's Alex's and Roth's deaths weighing heavily on her conscience. Almost kind of like a PTSD type deal. I'm scrapping my "Stay Close" story. Because I don't really think I was going anywhere with that story. I was just writing whatever. Its summer right now, and I have no friends. So I will be writing a lot. So I really hope you guys liked this, and feel free to review :D**


	2. Night Terrors

**A/N: Second chapter you guys! This only has 7 reviews? C'monnn. Well, theres not really much to review about a starting chapter. I'd like to take the time to thank you all for reading and reviewing, favoring and following my story. I've been reading a lot of Lara/Sam stories, and my favorite right now has probably got to be "Infection". I love all of these Lara/Sam stories and I hope to see a lot more on here in the future! Anyways you guys, I kept you waiting, here's the second chapter.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Tomb Raider, or any of the Characters.**

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**CHAPTER TWO**** – **_**Night Terrors**_

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Lara seemed to be alright during the month that we had been home. I couldn't really understand how Jonah said that something wasn't right with her. Unless, there was something I was missing, or maybe forgot. Perhaps I wasn't meant to understand. When you survive something like Yamatai, I don't think protesting against a 33 year old Hawaiian, New Zealand Cook/Soldier who also happens to be a supposed expert on bad energies and auras' idea on what is wrong with your best friend is such a great idea in the long run. So I chose not to go against it, but it was bothering me. She was her typical self, like always. Lara was never much for speaking, unless it was to yours truly, something relevant to her work, or if she had been spoken to. If she hadn't been quietly avoiding eye contact and conversation like she naturally would have been, she was reading. Her face would have been buried in some book that I had normally tried to pretend to be fascinated with, always relating to archaeology.

Lara adored archaeology. Shit, the girl had been around it ever since she was born. As little as I knew about her parents, she had told me she went with them on several of their expeditions. That's how she met Roth. Roth had been something like a body-guard to her father, he was probably more a baby-sitter really….But he loved Lara like the daughter he never had, I could see it in his eyes. I thought back to the time where I recorded that footage of them talking on the Endurance. I remember smiling behind the camera when Roth mentioned Lara at 5, running up to him showing her first find in her penguin pajamas. He was so proud of her. It's almost a little tragic when I think about it. Her parents died in a plane crash, and Roth died protecting her on Yamatai. I laughed to myself; "Tragedy" should have been her middle name instead of Amelia, which happened to be her mother's first name. Like I said, I didn't know much about them, but I knew how hard it had been on her, finding out the way she did. I couldn't imagine losing Mãe and Chichi that way, regardless of how close I had been to them growing up. I remember she barely spoke a word to me for days after it happened, if I knew one thing: Lara suffered in silence, no matter what. No matter how bad I wished it, I still wanted to take her pain. She saved my life, I felt obligated to do something for her. I wish I could save her from her grief, and suffering.

Since we had gotten back from Japan, I caught her reading books containing this symbol. The symbol contained two flowers, both split down the middle, to look like they were connected at the center. The flowers on the left's pedals were red, with a green leaf surrounding them on the outside, within the flower was white, and the center was a golden yellow. The flower on the right almost reminded me of a cactus, it was round, the leaves and stem were spiky, and on top of the round flower head, were purple pedals. I'm no Floriculturist; I had no idea what these flowers were. Above the adjoined flowers, was a red and golden crown, bejeweled with rubies, emeralds and sapphires. _"This must be some sort of old coat of arms or something."_ I thought to myself at the time. Now that I think of It, I had noticed something rather unusual about Lara. I wasn't exactly James Bond about looking through her books….In her study…While she was out. She caught me..

"Sam, what are you doing?" She scared the fucking shit out of me. I had to have at least jumped ten feet in the air as I turned to face her, standing in the doorway of the den in her London apartment. She used it as her study. I swallowed loudly; I felt my heart pounding in my throat.

"Uh-Lara sweetie? What are you-?"

"What are you doing in here, Sam?" she cocked one of her perfect eyebrows at me, perturbed.

Lara wasn't the type to be agitated easily. _She had to have been hiding something. _Whenever she had been researching locations in the past, she never minded me being around, always looking over her shoulder asking 'whatchya looking at?' She would normally just sigh, and go off on some story that would normally put me to sleep.

"I-was curious as to what you were planning after-" Yamatai…Lara cut me off again.

"Ask me next time, before you go rummaging through my books, Sam." She mumbled as she walked past me, and loudly closed the book I had just been looking at that had been sitting on her desk. I heard her sigh as she looked back at me.

"That sounded cheeky…I'm sorry. I'll be out in a moment, okay?"

I nodded and left her in her study. Even when she was trying to be rude to me, she was so sweet. I sensed something wasn't right. Lara was my best friend, why would she hide something from me? She wouldn't. For the past month I've been trying to figure out what was going on with her, if it was something like post-traumatic stress or just immense grief over Roth.

Lara got the worst at night.

I shot up out of bed, terrified. Lara had been screaming bloody murder, I swear to god.

"Lara, What-"she sat upright next to me in bed; her eyes were wide open, terrified, she kept screaming. I kept calling her name, she wouldn't respond. She just kept screaming, and screaming. I was starting to get scared myself, adrenaline started to rush over me, I quickly got up out of bed, and tried to see if she had even been awake. She wasn't, oh god. "_I had to wake her up; this must be some kind of night terror." _I thought. I tried shaking her, which was a big mistake on my end.

"Get back you bastard!" I heard her scream as she took a swing at me. "_Fuck!" _I had absolutely no clue what to do with her. She started to get aggressive, and it was scaring the absolute shit out of me. I had to fight against her struggles and attacks.

"LARA!" I screamed. She thrashed against my grip on her.

"Get away!" she yelled back at me. _"Damnit, Lara how did you get so fucking strong?"_ I climbed on top of her, pinning her arms down against the mattress. She continued to writhe. _"She's going to hurt me, or herself if she doesn't wake up." I _quickly took my right hand off of her left arm, and raised it. _"I'm sorry sweetie…"_ I heard a thundering clap as my hand came in contact with her left cheek, her screaming and struggling stopped. My mouth gaped open, I took my stinging right hand and covered it as Lara started to blink and come to. _"I can't believe I did that." _

"Sam, what-what happened?" She sounded as if she was about to cry. I hit her pretty hard. She took her left hand and pressed it against her cheek.

"Ow."

"I'm so sorry, you had a nightmare, or something, and I couldn't wake you up, I-I tried shaking you, and screaming, but you just didn't wake up." I stammered, I was terrified, I had never dealt with anything like that in my life, my heart pounding as Lara noticed me straddling her on the bed.

"Is…that why you're on top of me?" she asked. It's a good thing it was dark, because she would have seen my face turn beat red.

"Yeah…" I answered.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked, unaware of what even happened. "I don't remember it…"

"You almost clocked me right in the face Mike Tyson." I joked, and that brought a half-hearted smile to her face. Her left cheek had a large red welt where my hand had struck it. It had barely been noticeable in the dark.

"I'm sorry..." she apologized as I rolled off her, and lay beside her. Lara and I had grown closer since Yamatai, physically and emotionally. She turned to me and pulled me toward her.

"Please go back to sleep sweetie." I pleaded. "I'll slap you in the face again if you have another one." She smiled as she closed her hazel eyes. I loved Laras eyes. They were dark green on the outside like the vegetation had been on the island, going inwards they turned into a pale grey, it was almost like I was looking out into the skies of London on a cold, rainy day, and near her pupils, a warm golden brown surrounded them.

"Please don't slap me again, thanks." She laughed quietly as she held me. We both went back to sleep.

That night had been the beginning of her many night terrors. Night after night, I awoke, trying to snap her out of it, night after night, she sat there in bed, oblivious to what had happened. _"What was going on with her?" _I thought. For a month I awoke every single night, trying to find a way to wake her without hurting her. For a month I was scared, and yet I thought nothing of it until Jonah had mentioned that something hadn't been right with her. And he had been right. I just knew it. Lara wasn't herself, and she needed me, now more than ever.

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**A/N: I apologize for the short chapter! I'm seriously running on no sleep right now, and I would really kind of like to go to sleep right about now! Anyways, Sam's starting to get the impression that something isn't quite right with her best friend. Is Lara hiding something from Sam? Who knows? Oh and Trivia: Sam is Portuguese/Japanese. "M****ãe" Is Portuguese for mother and "Chichi" is Japanese for when Sam is referring to her father. I think that's right. If not, just message me and let me know. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it for you. The next chapter will be up in a matter of weeks. I've been working so, well yeah!**


	3. Suffer In Silence

**A/N: Well howdy! I've been trying to update as much as possible, but when one works a full time job, that is almost impossible to do. By the time I get home from work, I'm exhausted. And then I stay up all night on the computer playing The Sims 3 o.O anyways, here is the 3rd Chapter! It is written in Lara's POV. I will be switching between Lara's and Sam's POV in the duration of the story.**

**THANK YOU FOR THE FOLLOWS, FAVORITES, AND REVIEWS! I appreciate them soo much!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Tomb Raider, blah blah blahhh.**

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**CHAPTER THREE – _Suffer In Silence_**

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For hours I sat there in my study, blankly staring at the computer screen in front of me. My desk had been completely blanketed with books, documents and papers containing important need-to-know information regarding Yamatai. "_Yamatai" _I swallowed. The name of that god-forsaken place made me want to chunder all over the desk. The horrific things I had to see, the gruesome things I had to do...they will stay with me for the rest of my life, and I will never be the same ever again. Nobody seems to understand what I went through on that Island. They also never went through anything close. I feel somewhat selfish for thinking that, I watched Grim, Roth and Alex die, on my account. How do you get something like that out of your conscience? Roth's death was the last straw. The pain of watching the man who had been more than a father to me than my own die for me was unbearable, incredulous. It felt as if Mathias' hatchet that sunk into Roth's spine had impaled my spirit. I remember sitting there beside him, weeping into his shoulder as I felt the warmth diminish from his body. I remember thinking _"What's the use?" _Roth had been killed. I couldn't do this without him. I pulled my eyes from his shoulder and stared at the guns he set down beside him as his last words rung in my head. "_You're a Croft." _Richard Croft was not my father, Conrad Roth was. Fathers are kind, fathers protect you, fathers raise you. All those years...I was _protected_ by Roth, I was _raised_ by Roth. He was who I called whenever I had a great score on an Exam, who I turned to for help when I was in trouble. The man I called a father. He was gone, and I felt nothing but anguish.

I had gazed at the guns when the darkest thought that had ever came across my mind, crept into it like a spider that couldn't be killed. _"This pain can all be over with one bullet." _Roth was gone. And I had no will to go on. I was going to die on this island...no one leaves. It was a race between the Solarii and the others. If the Solarii or Mathias found me before the Endurance crew did, I had feared what they were going to do. They were going to kill me and I knew it...I killed so many of their men. If the Endurance had found me, Reyes would put a bullet in me herself. I read the letter she had left for Roth back when he had been attacked by the wolves, she loved him...he was the father of her daughter. Either way, If the Solarii didn't kill me, Reyes would._ Oh god, my mind is racing. _Every inch of my body shook as I reached for the pistol, sobbing harder and harder as I finally got its grip, slowly bringing it up to myself. "_It's the only way." _I was exhausted, I was injured. I was tired of this, I didn't want to live to just die here...I just can't do this anymore. _"One bullet Lara...and It'll all be over." _I carefully pressed the cold wet muzzle to the bottom of my chin, my right index finger trembling as it rested on the trigger. I closed my eyes, hoping it was painless, just waiting for my finger to press down on the trigger.

"_This is it..." _ I thought, all my pain would be over. I could finally be free. I swallowed one last time before my finger quickly mashed down on the trigger.

"_One bullet."_

_Click._

I opened my eyes, Roth was still in front of me. I still felt the mixture of the rain pouring down on my exposed, bloody, dirty skin and the flames from the crash warming me. I panicked, I _pulled _the trigger.

I examined the gun, pulling the trigger multiple times.

_Click. Click. Click._

I grabbed the wrong gun. The gun that ran out of ammo as Roth was protecting me. "How could I be_ so stupid?" _I berated myself once more._ "All you had to do was pick the right gun." _I grew frustrated as I tortured myself. _"How in the queens name are you going to get off this fucking island if you can't even check to see if a gun is loaded Lara?"_ My conscience was getting the best of me. I checked to see if the gun had been loaded, jammed even.

It wasn't even loaded.

"You bloody thing." I growled as I chucked it at the wet, mucky ground. The storm had cleared now that Himiko had known nobody was leaving. Still, I felt numb on the inside. I should be dead...I wanted to be dead. A exasperated sigh escaped my lips as I buried my head in my hands. "_This couldn't be happening." _It was as if I was in some dreadful nightmare. Perhaps I put the gun to my chin to prove the myth. That myth that If you're about to die in your dream, you wake up..._I wish this was all a dream. _I wish I would wake up. It wasn't long before I heard footsteps in the distance, coming toward my direction. "_Either Mathias and his men, or the Endurance." _I wondered if my theory would be correct. If I wasn't successful in a suicide, this next moment would prove that If I couldn't kill myself, somebody else was going to. Shivers ran up and down my spine as I heard a familiar voice.

"No...No!"

It was Reyes, Jonah, Alex and Sam. _"Moment of truth." _I will never forget the pain in Reyes' eyes as she ran over to him, and leaned over his body. Or how Alex and Jonah stood back as Sam ran up to me and knelt down beside me.

"_Are you okay, Lara?"_

"_Lara?"_

"_Sweetie..."_

I snapped out my almost catatonic, reminiscent stupor. Sam had been standing in the doorway for quite some time. "_My Sam." _She was my best friend, after Roth had died we had a funeral pyre for him. I felt any kind of pain you could imagine, watching his body burning. Reyes was infuriated with me, and I couldn't blame her. She spent 15 years of her life with him, it was only fair that she was upset. When she had snapped at me, Sam was there in my defense. As we watched the pyre, Sam stood beside me, holding my hand. When everyone left me alone when I said that I couldn't leave Roth, that I needed time, Sam was the only one who saw right through it.

"_You know where we'll be, come down when you're ready. We won't go anywhere without you."_

It was like she had touched my soul, not with those words, but the look in her eyes. Those gray eyes looked so caring, as if she wanted to take all my pain away, but she couldn't. She he was holding both of my hands in her own, I could see that the look on her face had warranted that she did not want to leave me, I knew it hurt her, seeing me this way. She looked at me with her gleaming eyes as she wrapped her arms around me, trapping me in her warm embrace. I sank my head into her shoulder, hiding the tears from her. I could feel the life in her, I had been freezing. When Sam had wrapped her arms around me, I felt warm. In that moment as she and I had been locked together, I had realized:

I had a reason to keep going. I had a will to go on, and her name was Sam. I had imagined if I had been successful in putting an end to my life right then and there. Sam would had been in my position, I just knew it. Who was going to save her? What If Mathias had taken her again? I'm not letting that happen again. I was not about to let anybody else die, the guilt over Grim and especially Roth had been enough. In my study, I turned to face her, she was leaning against the door-frame, her arms were crossed. She had finally gotten dressed after what had seemed to be a decade after we got home from Roth's service. I could imagine our room was probably covered in her clothes. Hell, the room was all at sixes and sevens more than half of the time anyhow. I straightened up in my chair.

"Sorry, I just got caught up in my studies for a moment..." I spoke quietly. I didn't wish to talk about Roth, or about any of today's events. Those memories all came back to me, I carried what happened on Yamatai with me every day, and every night even, according to Sam, sleep wasn't enough to keep the memories away. I had night terrors every night since we got to London. I don't remember them, any of them, but I know that I wake up terrified, not knowing where I am, or what happened. Sam has been wonderful in helping me cope with the overall shock of everything. She had been the one to wash my wounds for me, day after day, making sure that they had been cleaned, and covered. She attended to my every need, even if it was something as little as reaching for something. Perhaps she thought this was her way of "making things up to me." Sam knows that she doesn't have to prove anything to me. I love her all the same, she's all that I have left.

"You need to stop being so hard on yourself, Sweetie." She urged as I heard footsteps behind me, I felt her hand on my shoulder shortly after. It was a comfort, It really truly was, Sam was a comfort. I was angry. Angry at myself for wanting to explore Yamatai, for telling Grim to sail towards the Dragon's Triangle. All of this was my fault.

"I just need some time." the words came out monotonously. This is what I did. I had always done this, ever since I was little. Whenever I would get upset, whenever I had overheard my parents fighting, I would hide away in my room, and bury myself into a book. It was the only thing that made me felt better, the only way I would let myself heal. I felt Sam gently rubbing my right shoulder as she sighed.

"I'm always here for you Lara, you know that right?" My eyes just stayed focused on the documents in front of me. I didn't want to feel anything, I didn't want to talk about Roth, I didn't want to talk about my pain, or any of it.

"I know, and I love you for that Sam, but I just need to be by myself for a little while." I meant every word. On a normal occasion Sam would argue with me, telling me how "I couldn't hide whats inside" and that I needed to spill the beans. Not this time, she agreed with no protest.

"I have to go see Jonah, I think he might know something about these weird marks on my arms." Sam started to walk out of the study as she was referring to the white and blue lighting and sun marks on her arms after Himiko's failed transference of power. I had tried my best to look through my old books to find what they possibly could have been, but no cigar. Maybe Jonah would have been better suited for the supernatural aspect of it. As much as I desperately wanted Sam around, I needed to be by myself.

"Sam" I called out. She had stopped in her tracks, and turned to face me.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Please, be careful." I had to say it. After everything that happened, I couldn't bear to lose her too. She nodded as she left my apartment. I went back to my previous state. All of those memories came back to haunt me, the guilt over Alex, Grim and Roth enfolded every fiber of my being. Roth's service had only brought back the memories, had only made everything worse. As soon as I knew Sam had been gone, I rose from my desk, and slowly stepped over to the door. I carefully closed it shut, and locked myself in. I wanted to be alone, I wanted solitude. I grew tired of each day, the same questions were asked over and over not just by Sam, by Jonah, Reyes, every one who had ran into me who knew what had happened.

"_Are you okay, Lara?"_

"_Do you want to talk about it, Lara?"_

"_What's wrong, Lara?"_

I didn't want to talk about it. I knew how unhealthy it was, not talking about what happened. I didn't care. Roth was my father, the closest thing I ever had to any family, and he was taken from me. I did not find that fair. There had been a drawer in my desk where I had kept his letter to me that I found after he had died. I always read it. _God, I missed him so much. I_ opened the drawer, and I unfolded it one last time.

_Lara, _

_I'm sorry. I got you into this mess. I made a promise to your father. The last time I saw him, I swore that I would look after you, keep you out of trouble. And what did I do? I put you right in the thick of it. Now you're the one looking after me._

_You know, you're just like your father. He was smarter, wiser, and stronger than anyone I knew. And he never gave up, no matter how tough things got. I worry about you, but I know if there's anyone who can survive this place, It's Lara Croft._

_Whatever happens, I want you to know that I loved you like the daughter I never had. I'm proud of you._

Everything that I could have possibly felt while reading those words changed in an all - consuming anger; my face grew red as I felt every muscle in my body tense up. _"This isn't fair." _Roth was gone forever, and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could have done to stop it. I felt as if there had been this grandiose gaping hole inside of me, growing bigger, and darker day after a sweep of my arms, I furiously shoved everything off my desk, including my laptop. _God, I could just scream._

I quickly got up from my chair, and walked over to the other side of the room where an armoire had been located. I aggressively opened it up, and found my pickaxe along with my other weapons inside. After everything that had happened, I couldn't risk not having weapons in my home. I needed to keep myself and Sam safe. I quickly grabbed a baseball bat that I had kept hidden away from Sam, along with the rest of my artillery. My grip tightened around the bat as I took a swing at the closed doors of the armoire, putting a hole in the right door. I felt a sensation similar to Yamatai after I had killed a man. I started swinging at everything In my sight. Every muscle in my body was strong, a shiver went up my spine, chilling me to the bone. I had forgotten for a moment I was vandalizing my own study, The swings falling faster and hitting harder, a sense of satisfaction rolling through my entire body. As I repeatedly kept connecting blows to my laptop that I had thrown on the ground. I didn't care. _It felt good. _I kept swinging and swinging until all of the energy had been sucked out of me. I dropped the bat, as I stood in the center of my damaged study, catching my breath. I observed the room, and I grew nauseous as I realized what I had done.

I completely and utterly destroyed my study. All of the anger, the sadness, the insufferable pain that I had felt every day since I boarded the Endurance had finally made its mark. I had never felt more weak in my entire life. _"Nothing is going to bring him back." _I told myself as I felt my knees give out from under me and I collapsed to the ground, sobbing.

"Whats happening to me?"

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**A/N: It is 6AM! I spent all night writing this. I really need to get to bed! I've been working a lot, and I just got a new laptop! So this is the first chapter I am writing with my new baby! I LOVE IT! Lara is going through a very hard time dealing with everything that had happened to her that she had to witness and everything that she had been blamed for. I've tried to incorporate the "Suffer in Silence" kind of thing with Lara because that's how I feel that she would go about it. Before Yamatai, it seemed that she was kind of a sheepish girl, who didn't really talk much to anyone other than Sam anyways.**

**This is what Lara's freak out is inspired by:**

watch?v=zaRa00eWYcY

**Anyways, I really hope you guys can review, I like reviews a lot. It makes me feel special :3**

**I will also be posting the link to this story on Tumblr as well.**


	4. Home Movies

**A/N: HELLUR! Work has been kicking my ass! I've been trying to pump out chapters for you guys, and I feel bad for leaving y'all hanging on my other stories. I'm really loving this Pairing though! Asynca has written some very brilliant stories **_**"The Camera Loves You"**_** is definitely worth checking out as well as the sequel **_**"The Dreaming."**_** yohdawn has written one titled **_**"War And Peace"**_** which I absolutely adore! **_**"Infection"**_** by ****okh-eshivar**** is also a very good one if you are looking for suspense and drama. Last but not least there is "**_**Safe And Sound" **_**by Darth Luffy! These are my favorites! And I'm sure there will be more of them! I'm hoping that this is one of your favorites! I really appreciate those who have taken the time to favorite, follow and review this story! It really means a lot to me when you guys give your feedback! and now, chapter four.**

**BUT FIRST!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TOMB RAIDER, NOR DO I OWN ANY MUSIC MENTIONED IN THIS CHAPTER.**

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**CHAPTER FOUR **_**– Home Movies**_

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"Whats happening to me?" I whispered to myself, terrified. A cold chill crept up and down my spine as the shock and terror overcame me. My study had been obliterated by the strong, swift blows of the baseball bat hidden in my armoire. The documents containing plans of my next archaeological expedition along with Yamayai had lain scattered about, crumpled up, all in sixes and sevens. I could not believe what I had done. _This wasn't me, this wasn't who I am._

_Or maybe it was, now that I've returned from hell._

I sat there on my knees in the center of it all, all of the pandemonium and disarray surrounding me. I felt as if I wasn't here. Lara Croft was not In London, Lara Croft's body was. Her mind was back in Yamatai, trying, fighting to survive...fighting to stay alive. For the past month since our return, I felt this small ache, this small pit at the bottom of my stomach. It had been easy for them, easy for Jonah, Reyes and Sam to return to their usual mental states. Jonah and Reyes have killed before, Jonah had been a soldier in his native Army while Reyes had been a Police Officer for the NYPD. Sam, _"My Sam" _she had always been the type to just forget about the things she had done, I recall her telling me that she had done what she had to do to return to Jonah, Reyes and Alex safely, and that I had done the same. I did what I "_had" _to...I had no idea who I was anymore. I had never felt so insecure, so squandered in my entire life, the small cavity in the bottom of my stomach gradually had become a chasm. A chasm, home to all of my hatred, sorrow, confusion, and disgust. I had no Idea what to do with it, I had no idea where to put it all. _Roth would have known what to do. _Moving on, had not been so easy for me. With each day that passed, I grew more and more enraged and had tried my best to hide it from Sam, the last thing that I wanted to do was scare her. She had been scared to death, I heard it in her voice, I saw it in her eyes. _I was her hero. _I couldn't possibly show her that side of me, I guess, that I was the one who was scared to death. Scared to death that If Sam had really seen how I had been handling everything, she would leave, and never return.

I tardily shuffled out of my study, and carefully closed the door behind me. I reached in my pocket, and pulled out a solitary key. _Sam could NOT see this. _I stuck the key inside its lock, and turned it, locking my emotional outburst away. My apartment had been colder than usual, perhaps everything had been colder than usual since I had returned. I still had felt my blood boiling within my veins as I walked over to the small black couch in our living area. My eyes froze on the sight of Sam's camera that had sat on the small glass coffee table between the couch and television. "_Sam never leaves without her camera." _I thought. I was surprised at the fact that it had survived everything Yamatai had thrown at it..._Yamatai._

The name of that place felt like poison in my mouth every single time It had escaped from it.

_I need a drink._

My nights since coming home had been tenanted with alcohol. Every single night after Sam had gone to sleep, knowing that I could not, I slowly maneuvered myself around her, escaping her embrace, and cautiously walked over to my dresser, opening it and surreptitiously tossing aside my clothes, revealing a forty ounce bottle of Lamb's Navy Rum that had been squared away so she would not discover it. I had always remembered that Lamb's was Roth's favorite. Whenever he and my father had talked "business" when I was younger, my father was always seen carrying a bottle of the stuff towards his study, where Roth had been waiting for him. I even recollect Roth having a bottle or two of it aboard the Endurance, whenever Whitman had driven him nearly daft. Dr. James Whitman, I found it hard to believe that I looked up to that man. Betraying us, taking Sam away, going through all that trouble for what? Fame and fortune. I say, fame and fortune had gone straight to his head. He had no remorse towards the deaths of the Endurance, saying that they helped add to the "drama" of the situation...That bastard got what he deserved. I immediately found myself at my dresser drawers shortly after I had noticed Sam's camera had been laying on the coffee table. I knew that what I was about to do was just going to add salt to my wounds. But I did it in any event, knowing that I had figuratively ripped my wounds open, so that I could douse them with it anyhow.

I knew that Sam wasn't about to come barging through the door anytime soon. So I had sat down on the couch, and reached for her camera. I knew that it wasn't right, going through her things like this. I knew how she felt about her camera of all things, but in recent events, Sam had been a little nosy herself. Sam's recordings were the only things that I had left of Roth, and I wasn't about to let go of them, I wasn't ready to let go of him. I did all the necessary actions in order to set the camera up to the television. I had already had the bottle of Lamb's in one hand, ready to drink away any emotion that I had felt. And with that along with one large swig of the Lamb's in my hand, memories aboard the Endurance played right in front of my very eyes, once more.

"_I'm telling you Reyes, It's mechanical, not an electrical problem." I had watched this before, Reyes, Sam and Alex had been in the boiler room of the ship, Alex had always loved to argue, he was standing there beside Reyes as she had been fixing whatever the problem was, reading a comic book,arguing, as usual while Sam had been filming for filler._

"_Now Alex!" Reyes had called to him, annoyed, signaling for him to pull the lever. And with that, the room had started to smoke while Alex waved his comic in the air, coughing._

"_This uh...looks like it might be an electrical problem." Alex coughed as Reyes walked over to him._

"_Ya think!?"_

"_Oh, hello." Before Alex knew it, Reyes had been right next to him. I saw a smile stretch across his face as he found a picture of Alisha. Alex had always been a maestro at changing the subject, especially whenever he had been wrong, or there were larger tasks at hand._

"_Hey, who's this little fox, huh?" Alex seemed...interested to say the least. Reyes stood next to him proudly, playing along with him._

"_She's cute huh? That's Alisha."_

"_Alisha, huh? I like that..."_

"_That's my daughter." _I laughed while I brought the Rum up to my mouth to take another swallow as the look on Alex's face quickly changed on screen, along with Reyes' tone.

"_14 years old..." she took the picture from his hands, behind the camera, Sam laughed as Reyes wiped the smirk right off of his face. "And smarter than you'll ever be." Alex stood frozen, dumbfounded. He stammered._

"_She must...must get that from her father." He looked away from her as Reyes told Sam to not give Alex the attention, and confirmed that yes, Alisha did get her smarts from her father...Roth._

This next filler had probably been one of my favorites. Sam had filmed pretty much all of the old folklores that Grim had told us late at night when there had been no one else awake but the three of us, along with Steph. He was telling Sam about the time where he had been on the Loch Ness doing some midnight fishing when apparently Nessie herself had tried to attack him. As Sam had walked out into the hallway to stop filming, she caught a glimpse of Reyes and Roth being rather close...I found myself laughing one more after a drink as Roth quickly glanced over at Sam and she instantly ducked and shut off her camera. Sam had also tried to film some filler of Whitman, but he was not having it. During that whole shot, I played a little drinking game with myself. The rules were to drink every time Whitman had been pretentious arse. _God, I could not stand that man. _By the time I had finished watching Whitman prove that he could never be a five star chef, I had been a bit gassed. I had been saving the rest of my alcohol for the hard part...Where Sam had secretly filmed Roth and I.

I wasn't angry at her for It, In all actuality, I don't think I could have ever loved her more for doing what she did. She had known how important finding the lost kingdom was, she knew how important filler footage was. In this case it was a good thing, but Sam had also known how to stick her nose in places, it did not belong.

"_I've studied them so much, I can see charts on the back of my eyelids" _I heard my own voice on screen._ Did my voice really sound like that? "But If I'm not right about Yamatai being in the Dragon's Triangle..." _I had spent all of my time in Sam and I's cabin, observing everything that I needed to know about Yamatai. Roth and I were on the deck, He had pulled me away from my studies, said I needed to take a break, so I walked with him, playing with my jade necklace.

"_I remember when you found that on one of your father's digs, You ran up and showed it to me dressed in your penguin pajamas." _I still remember that day like it was yesterday. My necklace was my very first find, and I will never forget how proud I was, how proud he was more than my own father that I had found it.

"_I was five years old, That was my first find." _I heard myself laugh, I had leaned against the railings, looking out at the vast sea. Roth followed suit. I will never forget the words that he had said to me next, and I braced myself for hearing them once more as I took one large chug of the forty in my hand, wincing at the strong taste of it.

"_You've got great instincts girl, you just have to trust them." _

"_That's what my father used to say." _He had always half halfheartedly said it to me, he was always busy with the next dig, the next find. Roth had more time for me than he ever did..and that hurt me.

"_Now that's a man who ran on instinct...for better or worse." Roth paused momentarily, he looked at me the way a father would always look at his daughter. "He would have been so proud of you Lara..."_

Sam had zoomed in on me, I felt numb, I had nothing to say when it came to my father. I was always one to avoid the subject, I was always one to hide my true feelings, no matter the cost.

"_We're getting closer to the storm..." I trailed off. Roth stood silently._

"_Well, whatever's coming, we'll get through it, eh?" He put an encouraging arm around me, and stood next to me all the while I had been watching us get closer._

That pain welled up inside of me once more, I felt tears coming on as I quickly shook my head, drinking once more as the screen went black. This wasn't fair. I should have been the one who died, not Roth. Sam had constantly been the one to remind me not to beat myself up over it, but how could I stop? The events that took place, effect everything I do. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think, I can't breathe. I slammed the bottle of Lamb's down against the table as I buried my red, flushed face in my hands, breathing deeply. Yamatai haunted me, even in my dreams. When I was awake, loud noises from the city made me anxious, I hated to be touched, unless it had been Sam. When walking I took extreme caution in watching where my feet had been going, afraid that the ground my crumble beneath me, I had also glanced behind me every other second, afraid that someone might jump out in front of me, or come at me from behind, trying to attack. I knew this wasn't normal. _I knew something was wrong._

Startled, I quickly lifted my head and watched the screen in front of me. It had shown the inside of the old shack where I had found Jonah's journal on the shipwrecked beach. It had taken me awhile to process that I had given Sam's camera back to her as soon as I had found her. "_She must have recorded something else." _I thought. "_A video journal perhaps?" _Sam had come onto the screen, unharmed, without a scratch. Beautiful, as she always was. I had always wondered why Sam had always ended up with the scumbags that she did in University. She was wonderful, in every way. They never had appreciated her, with everything she had done for me, no amount of words could ever say how much gratitude I had towards her. She started to speak.

"_This is Samantha Nishumura of the Endurance. We have been shipwrecked for almost three days now, and I finally have my camera back. Lara found it, thank god." _She sighed._ "I don't know where to start, We came here on an Archaeological expedition to find the Lost Kingom of Yamatai, home of Himiko, the mythical sun queen. It's been a fucking nightmare. We've lost Grim, Alex, Liam, Victor...I have absolutely no clue where Steph is." _she paused, taking a moment to recollect._ "she's probably dead too...we've lost Roth as well..Reyes and Lara are taking it pretty hard...Lara, she is...amazing. She's the one helping us get through this mess...when Mathias had taken me, I thought that I was a goner. I thought that I would never see her, or anyone ever again. Until she showed, and I saw that the girl that I loved was okay, that she was safe...she'd come to rescue me."_

_The girl she loved? _I sat bewildered, drunkenly rubbing my eyes and my ears to make sure I hadn't been imagining what she had just said.

_"In college I had slept around...ALOT...the guys and girls that I had been with didn't mean anything to me without a couple of drinks...This whole experience, spending all of this time around her, knowing that If someone had taken me, If I ever fell, she'd be the one to catch me, made me realize that Lara Croft, ladies and gentlemen, Is my unrequited love...If this is my last video, If this is the only thing that's left of me when and If I get killed, I want to make sure it counts." _she took a deep breath and brought her hands up to her lips in thought. The look in her eyes showed complete and utter terror, while the look on her face had been calm and collected.

"_Lara, I love you. I'm In love with you...ever since I first walked into that dorm room and saw you reading 'Gods, Graves and Scholars' while listening to 'Untitled' by The Cure. I've loved you from that moment forward. ….I love every little thing there is about you, from the way you look at me when I say something completely stupid, to the way you smell." _I watched as she started to choke up a smidge. _"I know that if you're watching this, you're probably giving me that look right now, but I don't care...You promised me that you would get me out of trouble on this godforsaken Island, and now I have a promise for you..."_

I could not believe what I was seeing or hearing, I had to have been buggered out of my mind...Was this real? _Was Sam really in love with me? "No, this is the alcohol Lara, this is a figment of your imagination." _I thought as I examined the bottle in my hands. It hadn't even been half empty yet...this _had t_o be real.

"_I promise that If we ever get out of here, I'll do anything for you. I'll tell you the truth, I'll tell you everything...'I never quite said what I wanted to say to you, I never quite managed the words to  
explain to you, I never quite knew how to make them believable' Hopefully, you'll get that...and hopefully, we make it out alive, so I can tell you face to face..." _Tears had started to form in her eyes on screen, and her voice started to break. _"I don't know If I'm ever going to see you again...but I just want you to know that I am horribly...In love with you."_

In the video, I could hear men talking in the distance. _It must have been the Solarii. _Shortly after, I heard Whitman screaming for Sam. That's when I knew that was the moment that he had taken her from me again, while Reyes and Jonah had been fighting the rest of them off. The screen went black. I promptly, and with finesse put everything where it had been, so Sam hadn't known I had watched it. I sat back in my spot on the sofa, staring into nothing. I had been drinking, and after losing Roth, surviving everything...I don't think my mind was able to process this. I brought the bottle up to myself one final time, chugging.

I didn't know _what_ to think.

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**A/N: Well, there is the 4th chapter for you! I want to spoil things so baddd but I like it when you guys are like "what!? She did that!?" "No way!" etc. When Sam is making her promise, the phrase "****_I never quite said what I wanted to say to you..." _is a reference to the song that Lara had been listening to when Sam had first met her in Uni. You would all know that if you were Cure fans! I'm not really sure when Chapter 5 will come up, I have to work on my Mass Effect fanfic. I finally have some ideas for that. When you work 8 hours, doing nothing, you have a lot of time to think, and thats where I come up with all of these ideas! Anyways, its almost 4AM, AND I NEED SLEEP!**

**PS: REVIEW! :)**


	5. Haunted

**A/N: This had probably been one of the more harder chapters I've had to write so far. I'm sure that there will be plenty more to come though! I really like to thank all of you who have favorited, and followed this story. And I especially would like to thank the reviewers for giving me their input. Now this chapter is going to be a little different. This one both contains Sam's as well as Lara's POV. If you have read since the first chapter. You should be a pretty happy kid when you find out what Lara's planning.**

**DISLAIMER: ME NO OWN TOMB RAIDER.**

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**CHAPTER FIVE - **_Haunted_

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_**SAM:**_

I felt a turning in my stomach as I drove through the cold, dark rain of London to where Jonah and Reyes had been staying. After he had notice that something in Lara had been off, Jonah had wanted to stay a little while longer before returning to his sister in Ngapuhi. Reyes, on the other hand had been reluctant. The grief that she had felt over Roth, the father of her daughter Alisha, was unendurable I could imagine. She didn't hate Lara, that much I know, but the words that she had said may have added fuel to the fire, and have given Lara more reason to blame herself over what had happened. Despite everything, Reyes had also decided to stick around. In their own ways, and on their own terms, they had both cared about Lara...they had both loved Lara. But they hadn't watched her suffer like I had, It broke my heart to know that Lara had been hurting the way that she had. What hurt even worse is that she wouldn't talk to me about it. She'd been locking herself away in her study, mumbling under her breath as if she had been itching to go on another archaeological expedition. Jonah and Reyes hadn't known. They hadn't known how late at night when she couldn't sleep (to avoid the night terrors that had made their presence shortly upon coming home) I would awaken to find the warmth of her body that I had so longed for after being separated so long, missing from our bed. It had chilled me to the bone that Lara had been acting so strange. I am not sure if I had been half asleep or not, but I could _swear _that I could hear her talking to someone. Herself maybe?

Had Lara gone mad?

No! How could I say such a thing about her? Lara Croft...my best friend. God only knows the things that she had to face and witness while coming to save me. I wasn't worth it, I did not think for a second that I was worth Lara's sanity. I wasn't worth losing Grim, Roth, Alex and everyone else over.

My beautiful Lara. The scars scattered across nearly every inch of her former slightly built body had stories to tell. Stories that were about struggle, pain, sacrifice, loss and bloodshed. Those had probably been the hardest stories that she would ever have to tell, _if _she had ever opened herself to tell anyone, that is. Her scars also had contained stories of hope, strength, heroism, change...and survival. Perhaps I was never meant to hear any of those stories, maybe nobody was. Yamatai had changed Lara in such a monumental way, both physically and mentally. It became more evident with each passing day. Her mesmeric hazel eyes that I couldn't help but to find myself lost in, had become enveloped in small, red blood vessels. The glimmer in them that had made my heart skip a beat, had vanished only to be replaced with dark circles underneath. The expression in her weary eyes had once been hopeful, excited to face whatever had been thrown at her. Now, some days they had been anxiously scanning the room, paranoid. Others, they had been glazed over, emotionless, and broody.

Her body had been another story. It had obviously become stronger, I had known that as she carried me down the mountainside, taking me back to Jonah and Reyes to leave once and for all. Back on the rescue ship, the medics had taken a look at her. She insisted that I be there, Lara didn't want me out of her sight. I had to look away to hide the imminent redness that showed on my cheeks as heat had quickly flushed my entire face. She had been three quarters of the way naked, and she had been well built. Every muscle had been taut, defined, especially her stomach. It had been nearly enough to send me over the edge because I knew that Beneath the dirt, beneath the blood, beneath the scars was the girl that I had loved since the first time I had seen her. Lara Croft had saved me long before Yamatai, and now a month later she so desperately needed someone to save her, but she had been far too stubborn to ask for help.

"Her aura had been a dark and muddy green. Much like the forests of the Island when It had stormed." Jonah called loudly over his shoulder. Jonah had been in his favorite place in the world: the kitchen, doing what he had loved to do the most. Reyes and I had been sitting at the table in the next room.

"What does that mean?" I asked quietly, staring down at my arms that had rested on the table while my elbows were propping me up. Reyes sat back into the chair, folding her arms.

"What's wrong with the girl, Jonah?" She called back. Shortly, Jonah had entered the room with a pot of coffee in his hand. As he had been pouring some in the mugs that sat in front of Reyes and I on the table, he answered her.

"An Aura that's dark forest green shows feelings of jealousy, resentment. One tends to feel like a victim of the world; blaming themselves or others. Someone with this color aura is typically very insecure, and has a lack of understanding personal responsibility." He explained. "I fear our Little Bird is in a bad way, my friends. Lara must be having a difficult time bringing herself back from whatever had happened there. My grandmother in Hawaii used to say 'A Seagull who flies a crooked path, has a tough time flying home.' I believe that this is true in Little Bird's case. I also believe that she needs our help right now. Back on the way home, the bad energy that I had felt back on Yamatai had slowly started to come back almost every time I had been near her. At Roth's service, She seemed distraught, troubled."

"It could be Post Traumatic Stress." Reyes suggested. Reyes had been a practical woman, choosing logic over superstition. The look on her face had shown that she had strongly considered what Jonah had been saying about Lara's aura. "It's not uncommon to return from something like that and have a few screws that need tightening. Sam?"

I glanced up at Reyes.

"Hows Lara been sleeping?"

"She hasn't." I murmured. "Nights upon nights I would wake up to her screaming bloody murder. Night Terrors...I think that she's afraid to go to sleep. Sometimes, late at night, I could sense that she had been drinking even, but If she has, she's been smart about it. I haven't found any bottles or anything Or even smelled it on her." I paused, hesitating to say what was next. "..I've also heard her talking to someone. I have no Idea who It could possibly be, maybe I'm the one going crazy."

"Nobody Is going crazy Sammy." Jonah had left the room momentarily to return the coffee pot, He had spoken as soon as he entered the room and pulled up a chair to join Reyes and I. Reyes only furrowed her brow. She used to be a Cop, so I'm sure that she has heard more far-fetched things in the NYPD.

"Has she been distant?"

I nodded. Jonah chimed in.

"Back on the rescue ship, she seemed withdrawn from every body else, except you Sam. I remember her carrying and reading this Journal. I had no Idea where she had gotten it from, but she never let the thing out of her sight."

Reyes had straightened up a bit, she had this look on her face that I couldn't quite figure out. "_It was probably nothing"_ So I dismissed it.

I nodded._ "It must have been Richard's, or Roth's even." _I thought. I had been the only person that Lara hadn't shut out entirely. That had to have meant something. I wanted Lara back. As damaged as she had been, I felt obligated to put her back together, no matter the cost.

"Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary other than the obvious, Sammy?" Jonah had questioned. My mind had wandered back to the time where Lara and I had taken a walk, near Coleman Street If I remember correctly. A Car had backfired and Lara quickly put herself in front of me, as if she had been willing to take a bullet for me. Her left arm had been reached behind her, trying to grab the gun that she had stuffed down the back of her pants. I promptly grabbed her arm and restrained her from possibly hurting or killing someone.

"Lara! Calm down! It was just a car! Please! Before you kill someone!" I tried to bring her back.

She struggled to escape my grasp, but I wasn't having it. Everything that had been happening was almost as if everything was happening in slow motion. I spun her around, shaking her.

"You're not on Yamatai, you're in London, you're with me! Lara!" She froze in my hold. Her eyes went from intense anger to shock in almost an instant. I'm not even sure If Lara had been aware of what just happened.

"Sam, I-..." I felt her body shake. Her eyes started to dart all around Coleman street, looking for Solarii. I slowly moved my hands up so that they were on her cheeks.

"Hey, you're home sweetie. There's no Solarii, no Mathias. You're safe...please, give me the gun." I begged. Lara shook her head.

"I'm sorry Sam, I can't do that...I'll lock it away when we get home, I promise."

She lied. Days later, I found the gun in the top drawer of the nightstand next to our bed. I had been searching for the other memory card for my camera when I had discovered it. The gun had been a Baretta M9, the kind of Pistol that the United States Military had used as a sidearm. "_How the fuck did she get this?"_ I felt a chill travel down my spine as I picked it up to observe it, much like the same one I had when Lara had given me a Remington, telling me to "keep it close". I had absolutely no Idea how to use a gun until Lara had showed me on Yamatai. I shot at a few men to scare them, but I didn't kill any. And I had been relieved that I didn't. I had confessed to Jonah and Reyes what had happened that day on Coleman Street. To which Reyes had assured it was a sure-fire symptom of PTSD. I hadn't given it much thought. I had thought that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder had only happened to the old guys you'd see on the street, always talking about 'Nam. Or any military Veterans really. I had found it impossible to believe that Yamatai could be the reason why Lara had been acting so different. Reyes and Jonah explained that It hadn't been the island itself, but her experiences there, and that anything could be a trigger. We spent hours talking about it. I had worried about Lara, and what she had been doing by herself. I'd hoped that she had been sleeping, she so desperately needed it, I'd hoped that she had been safe from any danger, most importantly, safe from herself.

_**LARA:**_

I sat still on the couch. Words could not describe how much my mind had been racing after watching Sam declare her love for me on video. "_Sam was In love with me?" _ I had never given the matter much thought, I had cared for Sam. I had always thought that we had been a little closer, maybe a little more than what best friends should have been. I went out of my way to save her, on Yamatai, she had been the only thing on my mind. After Roth's death, she was my reason for everything, my motivation for everything. "_Did I love her too?" _My thoughts had been far too jumbled to try to organize, I thought to myself that It would have been best If I just forgotten about what I had seen, the footage would become easier and easier to forget with each large swallow of Lamb's.

"Drinking again, Lara? Tsk. Tsk." I had heard that voice again. I hadn't moved my eyes to look at the one who had been sitting in the chair sitting kitty-corner from our couch. Instead, I took another large swallow of the alcohol in my hand.

"Are you ever going to bugger off?" I snapped at the voice. To which she cackled.

"Are you ever going to deal with your problems like an adult?" I wrinkled my nose at her remark, and indignantly looked at who had been sitting in the chair not far from me.

I had dealt with her before. She had been wearing a black 1930's style bomber jacket, and dark brown cargo pants with Military style combat boots to match. Her dark brown hair had been down, her hair perfectly framing her pale face. She sat in the chair, with right leg crossed over her left, her pale hazel eyes, examining her nail beds. She sat there with a mischievous smirk on her face.

_She_ had been me. My conscience in human form stalking me, tormenting me every chance that she had gotten. Every single bad quality that I had, was prominent in her. She had known everything. My every thought, my every action...everything. And she used it against me.

"You should really talk to someone about these delusions you're having Lara." She sneered. "On second thought, you'd better not. You can't find 'Ol Mary's creepy timepiece if you're locked away in the looney-bin, can you?"

She knew everything. She was me for the Queen's sake. And so she knew about what I had been studying. Back on the Endurance, Grim had told us many old Scottish folklores. One I had happened to take a special interest in. Hermitage Castle: dubbed the most evil castle in Britain. Its evil reputation had built up over the centuries. Not only was the castle involved in war but it was also the a jail, holding many prisoner. Many of them were savagely tortured before their deaths. The malevolent repute was intensified by the castle having it's own practitioner of the dark side of the occult.

In the 16th century, a woman named Mary Stuart was Queen. Her third husband James Hepburn, Earl of Bothwell had owned Hermitage at the time. She was said to visit him frequently after he had sustained a severe injury. She had nursed him back to health. I had read that In 11 August 1586, after being implicated in the Babington Plot, which was a Catholic plot in 1586 to assassinate Queen Elizabeth, who had happened to be a Protestant. Mary was arrested while out riding and taken to The Tixall Gatehouse, where she had been held prisoner.

Letters that Mary had written were to be smuggled out of Chartley Castle. Mary was misled into thinking her letters were secure, while in reality they were deciphered and read. From these letters, it was clear that Mary had authorized the attempted assassination of Elizabeth. She was moved to Fotheringay Castle in a four-day journey ending on 25 September, and in October was put on trial for treason under the Act for the Queen's Safety before a court of 36 noblemen, in which she denied her charges. Mary was convicted on 25 October and sentenced to death. She had spent the last hours of her life in prayer, distributing her belongings to her household, and writing her will and a letter to the King of France. She had been seen as somewhat of a Martyr by the Catholic Church.

Before her death, Mary had a silver skull watch made. The case was to be opened by dropping the under jaw, which turned upon a hinge, while the watch works occupied the place of the brain. It was believed Mary gave this watch as a gift to Mary Seaton, one of her maids of honor. It was also believed to be somewhere among the ruins of Hermitage, where an apparition bearing resemblance to her had been seen.

Back on Yamatai while Jonah, Alex and Sam had been preparing the pyre, Reyes had walked up to me. She had a small, brown leather bound book in her hands. She had still been freshly anguished over Roth's death. We all had been. She had been kind, but I had known she blamed me for all of this. In a way she had also blamed herself as well. She slowly handed the book to me.

"Conrad wanted you to have this." she spoke. "I don't know whats in it, but maybe you'll find some answers." I didn't speak. I just took it from her, and hid it out of plain view as she walked away. The book contained various archaeological finds that my father had wanted to discover. And Mary's timepiece had been one of them.

"I'm not crazy..." I seethed back at my conscience. "I'm dealing with alo-"

"Dealing with what Lara?! Roth's dead. He's not coming back. You know that, but you don't want to believe it." She turned to me, screaming.

"I'm dealing with it." I snapped back.

"No, you're not. You're hiding in your study, like a coward." She had been right. Ever since I had returned I locked myself away in my study, focusing on Hermitage like I had on Yamatai. "And Sam, can we talk about Sam here for a second?" She flashed her teeth at me, revealing a devilish grin from hear to ear.

"Don't you dare..." I warned. Staggering towards her.

"Samantha, she's the only one that's left you know. Let's hope she doesn't have the heart leave you.." she said to me, condescendingly. "Like your parents, like Roth, and Steph, let's not forget Alex too!" She stood there for a moment, pondering.

"Now tell, me. Do you _really _think that Sam could love a killer?" She challenged me as I had tried my absolute best to keep my emotions from getting the better of me. She was just my conscience.

"How could you ever think to touch her? To hold her with those bloody hands of yours? You know, the hands that have the blood of many men staining them..."

"Shut up." I growled, my empty hand slowly starting to tighten into a fist.

"No." She negated. "You love Sam...and you're too busy drowning yourself in Roth's favorite rum, and hiding in your study, pushing her away to hide it. Don't you get it!? I'm not going away Lara...I'm always here. That voice inside your head, That little slice of doubt that keeps you up at night. That's me. I know every thing...I know the truth."

I had enough of hearing her talk. Before I knew it, The forty ounce bottle of Lamb's went had soared out of my hands, smashing against the wall across me with force. I ran over to where my conscience had been standing.

"Look at yourself." I heard her voice again. She was like an itch I couldn't scratch. A mosquito that just wouldn't go away. My eyes had caught the reflection of the broken glass cast about the floor.

"Take a good long, look at yourself Lara." She egged on. I had just stared at my reflection in the glass. "_What the fuck?" _I asked.

"You'd better clean that up, and quick." She teased me. I looked toward the windows, where she had stood, looking out one.

"Sam's home."

* * *

**A/N: I really need to take a nap. I have been working on this on and off since 3am. And I have finally gotten it finished. I apologize for the somewhat long history lesson in the chapter, but I had felt that it had been necessary. We're starting to get some little twists here and there. Reviews would be greatly appreciated :D If you review, I'll give you a cookie! The next chapter should be up in a matter of days, or weeks, depends on my thought process.**


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